"You know how, or I’ve seen this on Facebook before but you know how people say that there’s been psychology studies about how if you’re friends with someone for seven years or longer then you’re going to be friends for life.
I remember seeing that like, I don’t know, a year, year and a half ago and I was like 'Oh yeah that’s totally true, like that makes sense,' because at the time I had a really really close friend. I had been friends with her for seven years at the time.
We went to high school together, we were so close, we went on a lot of trips together, but last year we just went our own separate ways because we disagreed about some things in our lives, but it was just a really weird, we were so close. I’ve never been so close with someone before and then we just stopped talking to each other and I felt like it was something she was supposed to come to me for. I always felt like I didn’t have anything to apologize for. Some things I could apologize for, but I’m not going to reach out to her.
I always was hoping that she was going to reach out to me and say something, but it’s been months now, I don’t even know how long, but it’s been a long time and she hasn’t and I feel like I’ve always still wanted her to reach out to me and tell me that I understand what you thought and I think you were right and I’m sorry, but I think at this point I just need to get rid of that and not think or expect or hope that she’s ever going to do that, because I think that that bridge is just burned and I have to live with that."
“My confession is that I’m not as sad as I should be about my uncle dying. He had three failed back surgeries and he was in a lot of pain all the time.
He started buying non-FDA approved medication off of the streets and then one day one of the medications he bought, I don’t remember what it was called, but it was laced with carfentanil so he overdosed and died but to this day my grandma just says that his heart gave out from all the medication. She doesn’t want anyone to know that it was an overdose even though it’s fair that he went to the streets to get stronger pain medication.
A few weeks before he died he texted me asking if I could send him pot in the mail and I told him no even though I knew he was going to use it for pain relief, but I didn’t want anything to go wrong and I was super paranoid and then he died a few weeks later. I really don’t think like a year down the line I don’t think he would have been very good cause he was starting to lose the ability to walk and he was in a lot of pain and I think he was being tested for cancer when he died. Pretty just sad, obviously, but it’s a lot more relief than sadness. I don’t know if that’s how it should be, but it is and part of me is a little, not happy, but just relieved that I don’t to see him deteriorate, because he was the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t believe in the same religion my parents believe in anymore. The reason being, at some point in high school I just decided that I no longer, I could no longer stand going to a church that I felt was full of hypocrites or believing in a religion that I thought was not totally truthful or wasn’t factual.
At some point, junior year of high school, I told my parents that I wasn’t going to church anymore. They were weird about it, they were kind of like ‘Oh yeah yeah, no worries, just come once every other week or something,’ but I was like, ‘No, I’m not coming to church anymore.’ I wanted to find out exactly what I believed in myself.
I didn’t know what that was and so I felt like I needed space to at least figure out where I wanted to go. College rolls around and I’m still not going to church, I still don’t really know what I believe in. I would tell people I was agnostic. I didn’t believe in a God, but there could be something out there. Freshman year I still wasn’t sure where I landed and one day on campus this guy approaches me and asks me if I had ever considered doing a bible study. This is still something I want to find out and I still want to explore, because it was a large part of my life. I went to church for sixteen years every single Sunday and did Sunday school every week and multiple church events. Most of the community I was involved with was based around church. To have that kind of go away was weird.
So, I explored this bible study thing for a while, but I kind of realized half way through that I was just convinced that I wasn’t into it, I wasn’t going to believe whatever he said. It was kind of pointless from the start. It was a waste of his time and a waste of mine, because even if what he was saying resonated with me, I would just not listen. I would convince myself that it wasn’t true. Instead of exploring that I shut myself off to it. Instead of actually experiencing or trying to understand what I believed.
Every time I go back home, my parents ask me to go to church and for a while I always said I’m not going to do that. I’d rather spend my Sunday morning sleeping in and eating the left-over bacon from my parent’s breakfast, but now I just humor them and I go to church anyways. I don’t know, it kind of feels sacrilegious in a way, because I don’t necessarily believe what they’re saying but I’m still there. If they pass out communion, it’s for believers, I always take a cracker and a cup of wine just to not be awkward, but it’s really something that I, you know, I don’t know what I believe and I’m still trying to find that out. I’m not sure if I’ve closed myself off to certain possibilities because of my own insecurities or my own wants or desires.”